Man On The Road Newsletter
December - 2007
"Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint."
(Proverbs 25:19 - New King James Version)
We have been telling you for several months that the Fires of Darkness name and website would be phased out. That transition has now been completed. Typing in firesofdarkness.com will take you to manontheroad.org. All firesofdarkness.com email addresses have been discontinued. If you have an old email address for us and need to contact us, you may do so at information(at)manontheroad.org. Please change your address books accordingly. If you have been corresponding with us at a manontheroad.org email address, you may continue to use that address.
In any battle the one that is sure to suffer defeat is the person who has not yet learned who the enemy is.
For people who live with addictions to pornography, supposed enemies are everywhere. Mother gets the blame for having been too strict in rearing them. Dad is the culprit for being loose with his own collection of so-called men's magazines. It is easy to blame the middle-school classmate who introduced them to illicit sex in his grandfather's barn loft.
The difficulty that a large percentage of pornography addicts share is their inability, or refusal, to recognize the man in the mirror as being enemy number one. We see overwhelming evidence of this in the contacts that we receive through our online ministry to pornography addicts (www.firesofdarkness.com). We hear first hand the stories of marriages that have been destroyed because the most important person in the battle against his addiction could not recognize the enemy. We hear of people who were once financially secure, but who can't pay their bills now because the money is being spent on pornography. We know people who may never see their children again because as porn addicts, they acted out what they saw and became sexual offenders, now locked away for most of their remaining years.
The pornography addict can't - or won't - see the damage that his addiction does to himself or to his family. He finds it most difficult, if not impossible, to admit that his life is out of control.
This failure to recognize, and to admit to, such a weakness is the most difficult phase of recovery. If the failure is never recognized, it will never be laid on the altar before God. There is great strength to be found in the admission of weakness. In fact, it is the greatest show of strength that a man can make toward his family. Some might see such a confession as not masculine, or even wimpy, but the man who recognizes that he is incapable of fixing his own problem is the man who is about to take great strides toward recovery. He is a husband or father who is learning to be honest.
The enemy in the mirror refuses to admit the widespread damage his behavior has caused. Like a tornado, he leaves behind himself a trail of visible and invisible damage. The repossessed cars and broken marriages are easier to see than the wounded hearts of spouses or the fear in the children. Until he conjures up the willingness to see his destructive behavior for what it is, he remains the enemy in the mirror.
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According to Dr. Victor B. Cline (Pornography's Effects on Adults and Children by Dr. Victor B. Cline. Morality in Media, Inc.), the following behaviors are characteristic of a person who is addicted to sex and/or pornography.
a. Sexual acting out despite serious consequences and repeated attempts at control. The early antecedents are often being sexually abused/seduced/eroticized and/or a pattern of compulsively masturbating to pornography starting in early adolescence or before. In other words, a developing pattern of what, in time, becomes out of control sexual behavior.
b. Inability to stop (or powerlessness) despite adverse consequences, with frequent use of denial, rationalization, and minimization to hide both the problem and the underlying shame.
c. Neglect or sacrifice of important social, family, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior.
d. An ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior.
e. An inordinate amount of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experience.
f. Risk taking
g. Living a double life
h. Decrease in one's spiritual or religious life. A constant violation of one's value system.
i. Endangering one's professional and family life.
It's hard to believe that it is Christmas again. Just a little more than seven years ago, we sent out our first newsletter under the Fires of Darkness name. During the years since then, we have heard from hundreds of men and women from countries scattered around the world. In almost all of those cases the one thing that the writers wanted more than anything was to be able to overcome the addiction to pornography and the damage that the addiction had left behind. We've heard from men who said they wanted freedom (including a few who wrote only because they promised their wives they would) and from wives who were trying desperately to make sense of their husbands' indiscretions. For most of those wives, we were able to offer a ray of hope. For many of the men, we were able to set their feet in a new direction.
On this day, we want to wish each of you a merry Christmas and a new year filled with love, freedom, and victory. We are thankful for the opportunity to impact your lives in some positive way.
On a separate note, for some reason donations have been down dramatically this year. When you think about your end of year donations, please consider Man On The Road. We cannot do what we do without your prayer and your financial support. Remember that Man On The Road is a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization. As such, your donations to this outreach are tax-deductible to the fullest extent allowed by law. U.S. residents have just a short time in which to make donations that are deductible in the 2007 tax year.
While you're thinking about it, please take the time to go to our donation page at http://manontheroad.org/donation.htm and make the most generous gift that you can give.
You can also support Man On The Road by ordering any of our books or CDs online at http://manontheroad.org/Resources/index.htm.
Is Giving Up Wrong?
Psalms 123:2 "So our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he shows us his mercy." (NIV)
On our website, we have a place for women with husbands who are addicted to pornography to write to us. I receive so many letters from women who are very much ready to give up the fight and walk out and not look back. But divorce and separation are not always the answer.
A few years ago I listened to an interview with Stormie Omartian. When she was going thru a rough time with her husband, the Lord changed her way of thinking. Of course she wanted her husband to change, but the Lord wanted to change her. She asked Him, "Why do you want to change me?" He said, "Because you are willing, and I'll change your husband when he is willing." Prayer is not something we use to manipulate things.
When Tom was astray, I experienced something like that. The Lord had me pray for all of his needs to be met. When I started praying unselfishly, God helped me let go of the whole burden. When I turned Tom over to God, He began to work miracles! This is the kind of 'giving up' that works.
Isaiah 30:18
"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!"
May the Wisdom and Peace of God be yours,
Mera
(Note: Mera Buford is the wife of Tom Buford, founder of Man On The Road and author of Riding a Dead Horse: Carousel to Hell.)
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"Advice is least heeded when most needed."
English proverb
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Do you sometimes feel that you are the only one in the world who is dealing with pornography addictions? Do you wonder if anyone on earth would understand if they knew the truth about you? You are certainly not alone.
We have prayer partners that gladly take your needs to the Lord. Please feel free to join other people in America, and in other nations around the world who ask that we help them in one way or another regarding pornography addiction. Many of them request prayer. Please don't hesitate to send your prayer requests to us through our contact form at http://www.manontheroad.org/contact_us.htm. Your requests will be treated with the strictest confidentiality.
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Contact us if you have questions concerning this newsletter, pornography or sexual addictions, or living a morally upright life on the road. We will be happy to share with you how God can completely change the heart of a person, regardless of where that person has been or how long he or she has been there. If you prefer, you may also write to us at the following address:
Man On The Road
PO Box 211
Madison, TN 37116
USA
www.ManOnTheRoad.org and this newsletter are produced by Man On The Road, a non-profit organization, incorporated under the laws of the state of Tennessee in the United States of America. We are classified as a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization by the Internal Revenue Service. All donations to this ministry are tax-exempt to the full extent allowed by law. To make a donation, please send your check to the address above or visit our donations page at http://www.manontheroad.org/donation.htm.
Pornography addiction is real and is capable of affecting any person. If you have doubts, just ask a friend who is caught in its clutches.
Copyright © 2007 Man On The Road
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