Answers to
Frequently Asked Questions
Is pornography really just harmless entertainment?
How did Satan take control of my spouse's thought life?
Is there more than one way that pornography can enter our lives?
Does pornography addiction have to be terminal?
Why does God cause all this disturbance in my family?
Why all the talk about God? I can beat this problem on my own, can't I?
Pornography won't hurt anyone as long as it is only viewed privately, will it?
Pornography has no victims, does it?
Does every person who views pornography become addicted?
Then why all the alarm?
Should I be concerned if my teenaged son looks at pornography? After all, it's just a natural curiosity, isn't it?
Do I have any reason to be concerned about my daughter viewing pornographic images? After all, it only affects boys and men, right?
Why does it seem to affect men in greater numbers than women?
Is pornography really just harmless entertainment?
No! Pornography has the potential to cause great harm to the psychological, emotional, and spiritual health of the user. For the person who uses it habitually, it exerts such force that the mind can be bent to the extent that the user commits unwanted sexual acts against himself and other people. Those acts may even be criminal in nature. The nature of pornography addiction is such that it drives the addicted one through stages similar to those that a drug addict experiences. The last of those stages is the one in which the user emulates what he sees or reads, regardless of the potential consequences. The addiction controls the user.
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How did Satan take control of my spouse's thought life?
Your spouse first opened the door. There was probably a specific action that served as an invitation to more satanic activity. For example, your spouse may have stopped by the magazine counter at the local drugstore. His curiosity may have drawn him to open a copy of Playboy or some other magazine. He may not have read any more such magazines for months, but then the memory of the images he had seen that first time presented the enticement to do it again.
His open door may have been in the form of a sex scene in an otherwise innocuous movie. It may have been a music video. The memory of that scene, and the perception that the activity was being seen "live", could have presented an almost uncontrollable temptation to find more of the same.
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Is there more than one way that pornography can enter our lives?
There are many more ways that we can open the door to pornography addiction. The impact that pornography can have on our minds, and particularly visual pornography, can't be overstated. It is for this reason that we, like David in the Bible, must "...set no evil thing before our eyes." The door to our hearts must be guarded at any cost.
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Does pornography addiction have to be terminal?
No, it does not. It can be, though. It can be terminal to your relationships, employment, spiritual condition, marriage, and more if you are not willing to admit that you have a problem; if you are not willing to ask for help; if you are not willing to accept change.
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Why does God cause all this disturbance in my family?
He doesn't! Satan is the one who is here "...to steal, to kill, and to destroy." (John 10:10 - NKJV)
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Why all the talk about God? I can beat this problem on my own, can't I?
Psychologists and other mental health professionals have asserted that men or women who become addicted to sex or pornography can never be detoxified or cured from it. They say that the addict must learn to control the addiction and that nothing more can be done. However, I can tell you from personal experience that only God is fully capable of healing the addicted mind. The Bible gives accounts of several different people whom Jesus healed of the unclean spirits that plagued their minds. He did it then, and He will do it now!
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Pornography won't hurt anyone as long as it is only viewed privately, will it?
That is one of the most dangerous lies that Satan has ever told. And it is particularly lethal in the age of the Internet, when a person can lock himself in a room with a computer and soak in all the poisonous images his eyes can stand without anyone else knowing. The element of fear...perhaps the fear that someone might see him coming out of a porn shop does not exist in the privacy of one's bedroom or den, wherever the computer is located.
This in itself adds another element to the danger of pornography usage. Where there is no fear of being found out, the degree of use can increase dramatically. In addition, the type of pornography being viewed can be much more deviant than in a public porn shop. Images that a man might never be seen viewing in public could become his steady diet in the privacy of his own home.
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Pornography has no victims, does it?
Pornography leaves behind it a trail of victims. It victimizes the people who have unwanted sex acts committed against them at the hands of a pornography addict. It victimizes the people who think the only way they can make a living is to sell their bodies to pornographers to be raped repeatedly in the minds of pornography users (addicted or not). It victimizes children, robbing them of their innocence and their ability to trust adults when they are the targets of sexual attacks.
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Does every person who views pornography become addicted?
In fact, no! Not every person who looks at pornography will become addicted to it.
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Then why all the alarm?
Because playing with pornography is much like playing Russian roulette. How can you be so certain that the next piece of pornography that you pick up won't be the bullet that kills everything that is important to you - your family relationships, your spiritual relationship with God, your financial security, your peace of mind, your self-esteem, your job security, your marriage, your freedom to live in society instead of in prison? What assurance do you have that the piece of pornography that you overlooked when you caught your son looking at it won't be the piece that starts him on the long painful downward spiral toward the place that he finally gives total control of his mind over to pornography addiction? Pornography addiction can be every bit as controlling to the user as the alcohol addiction is to that "wino" that you turn your head away from everyday on the street corner.
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Should I be concerned if my teenaged son looks at pornography? After all, it's just a natural curiosity, isn't it?
The booklet Moms, Their Children, & Pornography Addiction addresses this issue. You absolutely should be concerned. Pornography distorts men's perception of what is acceptable and honorable sexual behavior. For example, pornography portrays the image that women enjoy any form of sexual acting out, when in fact the woman in the image being viewed is actually allowing herself to be abused. The expression of pleasure that we think we see is often just the facial expression of an actor. It is the expression on the face of a person (male or female) who has become a prostitute - a person who will be raped possibly millions of times in the warped minds of the men and women who view the final pornographic product.
Try this scenario. You notice a group of boys ogling over a piece of pornographic material and look to see what it is that has them so entranced. You see that it is your daughter or son who is exposed in the picture. You suddenly realize that what is going on in the minds of the boys with the pornography is going on toward your son or daughter. Would you happily just consider that it is "only natural" for those boys to be looking lustfully at your son or daughter in that book, and go on your way, or would you suddenly become sick at the thought? Maybe it is just a manifestation of natural curiosity, but even our natures can destroy us!
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Do I have any reason to be concerned about my daughter viewing pornographic images? After all, it only affects boys and men, right?
You certainly do. Girls can become just a heavily addicted to sex and pornography as can boys. [more info]
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Why does it seem to affect men in greater numbers than women?
Pornography addiction affects men in greater numbers than women, in part because of the differences in the ways that men and women approach sex. But apart from our natures, there is a deeper reason. Man is intended by God to be the head of his household and to be the spiritual covering for his family within the home. If Satan succeeds in causing a man's mind to decay to the point that pornography controls him, then he succeeds in weakening the head of the household, and ultimately the family unit. Pride and selfishness often are at work. Men who are prideful find it very difficult to be accountable to any other person who might reach out to them, or even to God.
It is impossible for the husband who is severely addicted to pornography to give himself entirely to his wife. He may think he is doing a good job and might even think he is the best husband or father in the world. But if in his mind he is busy being drawn into lustful, adulterous situations with the people whose images he has absorbed from the pages of a pornographic magazine, he is not and cannot be one with his wife. A house (or family) divided against itself cannot stand.
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