This Side Of The Wall...

"Over here I have a life. Oh sure, it's a good life...as far as anyone else knows. Good clothes, impressive house. Yeah, it's a house, but it's far from being a home. It's full of heartbreak. It's full of hopelessness. My heart feels betrayed, and I feel...alone." (read more...)

Praying for your husband...

When we pray for our pornography addicted husbands or boyfriends, we are interceding for them. It is prayer that moves the hand of God.

Great deliverances come when people pray, sometimes so surprisingly that we may find it difficult to believe, ourselves! (read more...)

Dear Hearts...

Do's and Don'ts

You are probably reading this page because you know someone who has an addiction to pornography or sex. I know your struggle. It's painful and it seems hopeless. But I'm here to tell you that it is not hopeless. I'm living with my husband who was miraculously delivered from pornography addiction. He had used it from the age of thirteen. The first thing that I could have used was a list of things to do and not to do.

Some Don’ts…

Don't blame yourself. Men with gorgeous and precious wives turn away from them to use porn. Pornography is addictive and it is a spiritual problem.

Don't yell or use accusing statements like, "You're sick!" (He may be, but in the beginning such statements will only serve to drive him away.)

Don't enable him by keeping silent or secret. Pornography use is a secret sin. It is done in darkness. Bringing it to light is the first step in overcoming it, along with his confessing it and admitting his need.

Don't stop praying for him.

Don't stop showing love.

Don't embarrass him in public.

Don't make idle threats to leave. There may be times that it is necessary, for the physical or emotional safety of your children or yourself, that you either leave or demand that he leave. Assuming you are not in that position, our admonition here is to fight for wholeness. Nevertheless, it is true that the reality that he might lose his family sometimes hits home with the addict in such a way that he is spurred on toward making a change for the better.

Some Do's…

Do check up on your own relationship with God. You'll need His guidance and wisdom.

Do be honest with him. Let him know how his actions make you feel.

Do let your spouse vent. He has more pent-up feelings than you probably know.

Do pray that God will grant him a repentant heart.

Do realize that you can only contribute so much, but he is the one who knows how badly he wants out. Those who want out, get out!

Do invite an overcoming former pornography addict into the family life for an encouragement to him and as a source of help.

Do set boundaries. Let him know that you will not cross those lines.

Do keep the lines of communication open. I've designed a series of free E-cards especially for pornography addicts and their loved ones. Consider downloading one of them and e-mailing it to your spouse. They are free.

God grant you His peace and wisdom.

Mera

(Mera Buford is the wife of Tom Buford, founder of Man On The Road and author of Riding a Dead Horse: Carousel to Hell.)

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